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Sleep Number Orcas
My girlfriend is a really light sleeper. She rolls and tosses and turns if I so much as cough in bed. So, when I have to fart, it’s really tricky. She’s so cute too. She breathes softly in through her...
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Charley’s Horse & Trailer Park Fantasies
I woke up from this nasty cramp in the back of my leg last night and had to literally walk around the house to get it to go away this morning. I’ve heard them referred to as a “Horse of Charles.”...
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Evolution: Revisited
I wonder if breast implants will have made a significant contribution to human evolution, somewhere down the road, in the future. Stupid men are more likely to hump on any woman sporting double-D’s,...
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A Vagabond’s Life
As a writer, particularly in the 21st century and during the age of the internet, I understand my destiny can be fairly assessed as bleak, at best. That is, of course, unless I were to strike a nerve...
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Origins of “No Shit”
You ever wake up in the morning, have to use the bathroom, but, you can’t because all are occupied? It happened to me a few days ago, and so, while I was waiting, I made up this half-wit lie about...
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To Punk a Psychic: My Own Psychic Forecast
Once again, I’ve got a sinus infection. I swear it’s a quarterly affair. And though I do feel miserable, it hasn’t completely withered my inspiration for the day. As it usually happens when I’m sick...
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Don’t Have a Cow, Man
Anyone else think cows are the reincarnation of bastard-souls, eternally condemned to only half mutter, in their uniquely branded farmyard voices, “mom.” Not so hard to imagine, is it? I mean, every...
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Porn and Booze are Intrinsic to Cosmopolitanism: “Can I see some I.D. please?”
I’m not exactly sure how it came up in conversation, but I’m guessing the story was shared as it related to the fact that some friends and I had been drinking in the late afternoon this weekend passed....
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All the World’s a Stage: A Jingle, Our Medley of Living
William Shakespeare - All the world’s a stage (from As You Like It 2/7) All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players: They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his...
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Justice as Entertainment: Everything Was Beautiful, and Nothing Hurt.
Lot’s of interesting stuff going on in the courtrooms of America these days, huh? It’s incredible. But why do we care? You know, I understand that the crimes are themselves intrinsically woven into the...
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